Escaping the Deadly Drama Triangle!
- Leslie Speas
- Jun 27
- 2 min read
Ever feel like you're constantly putting out fires, smoothing over conflicts, or wondering why the same workplace tensions keep popping up?
As much as we don’t want to admit it, we may often play a part in escalating drama based on the role(s) that we slip into. Have you ever heard of the Drama Triangle? Developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle is a model of human interaction that maps destructive interactions that can occur among people when things get stressful or dysfunctional.
The 3 Roles
The Victim – “This is happening to me.”
Feels powerless, overwhelmed, or unfairly treated.
The Rescuer – “Let me fix this for you.”
Jumps in to save others (often unasked), enabling dependency.
The Persecutor – “This is your fault.”
Blames, criticizes, or controls with anger or judgment.
People can quickly shift between these roles in a single conversation. However, there is generally one of these roles that we find ourselves in most frequently.
How This Shows Up at Work
A team member complains they’re overloaded (Victim), and the manager takes over their tasks (Rescuer). Resentment builds when it happens repeatedly.
A leader harshly criticizes a missed deadline (Persecutor), an employee shuts down (Victim), and a colleague tries to smooth things over (Rescuer).
A peer says, “No one ever listens to my ideas,” while refusing to offer input in meetings.
Sound familiar?
Why It’s So Damaging
The Drama Triangle undermines trust, drains energy, and keeps people stuck in blame and avoidance rather than taking ownership and solving problems. It also discourages accountability and can damage trust on teams.
How to Get off the Deadly Triangle!
David Emerald introduced an alternative called The Empowerment Dynamic, which reframes the roles:
Victim → Creator
Focus on choices and solutions: “What can I do?”
Rescuer → Coach
Support others by asking, not fixing: “What do you need from me?”
Persecutor → Challenger
Challenge others with respect: “What’s another way to approach this?”
How to Break the Cycle
Here are some practical ways to escape the Drama Triangle:
✅ Recognize your default role. Where do you tend to go under stress—Victim, Rescuer, or Persecutor?
✅ Pause before reacting. Ask: Am I helping, enabling, blaming, or avoiding?
✅ Use empowering language. Shift from “I have to” to “I choose to.” From “You never…” to “Here’s what I need…”
✅ Coach, don’t rescue. Ask, “What support would be helpful?” rather than stepping in.
✅ Challenge with care. If something isn’t working, speak up, but stay respectful and solution focused.
Final Thought
When we become aware of the Drama Triangle, we can shift out of dysfunction and into healthier, more productive interactions.
Want to help derail the drama in your team and start collaborating more effectively? Let's talk about training or coaching to help you break the cycle! Contact me at leslie@influencehrconsulting.com
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